Lilian James, 43, is an entrepreneur and small-scale farmer in Bagamoyo, Pwani. She is a mother
of three, a member of Upendo Kikoba, and a woman who once believed her marriage had reached
its end. Behind her resilience was a long history of quiet struggle constant misunderstandings at
home, financial tension, and the responsibility of raising children in an environment strained by
conflict.
For years, Lilian and her husband lived through recurring arguments that slowly eroded their
relationship. Neither of them had ever learned how to communicate, listen, or solve problems
constructively. Small issues escalated into loud fights, and over time their home became a place of
fear and emotional fatigue. The conflict didn’t just affect them it deeply affected their children.
Their eldest son, once a strong performer in school, saw his grades drop sharply. The younger
children became withdrawn and lost interest in learning.
“As parents we thought we were fighting between ourselves,” she recalls. “But the truth is our
children were breaking silently. They carried our anger into their classrooms. They lost
concentration. They stopped believing in themselves. I didn’t realize how much damage we were
causing.”
Eventually, overwhelmed and exhausted, Lilian made the painful decision to walk away. She left
her home and moved into a small rented room, leaving the children with their father. The
separation brought new challenges. The cost of living doubled, her businesses weakened, and the
home environment for the children became unstable. Emotionally and financially, everyone
suffered.
Everything changed the day Upendo Kikoba was introduced to the Life Skills Program under the
ALiVE project. During one of their Sunday meetings, the group facilitator introduced the concept
of problem-solving, creativity, and confidence – as aspects which help youths and children to
thrive in life. From the first module (problem solving) Lilian felt as if the facilitator was speaking
directly to her heart.
As the facilitator explained how people often react emotionally instead of understanding the root
of a problem, Lilian found herself reflecting deeply on her marriage.
Lilian’s Story: Rebuilding a Family, Restoring
a Future
She realized that throughout her life, she responded to conflict by shutting down or running
away, simply because she had never learned any other way of approaching her challenges. That
moment opened her eyes.
Armed with this new understanding, Lilian made one of the bravest decisions of her life: she
chose to go back home and rebuild her marriage. The process was emotional and difficult. Years
of unresolved conflict stood between them.
But this time, she approached things differently calmly, thoughtfully, and with accountability.
“It wasn’t easy to go back,” she says. “But the life skills helped me talk, listen, and understand.
Through the program, I reunited with my husband. We are still learning, but we are getting
there. And I am truly happy.”
The impact on her children was immediate. With peace restored at home, the children began to
flourish again. Their eldest son improved dramatically in school within one term. The younger
ones regained confidence, started doing their homework consistently, and became more active
and joyful. Lilian describes it as watching her family breathe again.
She also used her new skills to support her Standard Seven daughter, encouraging her creativity
by teaching her to sew mats and express herself through craft making something she had never
considered before. Her daughter now spends more time creating than feeling lost or anxious.
“She has changed so much,” Lilian says with pride. “I’m so happy that I’ve brought meaning into
her life at such a young age. All thanks to OCODE and Uwezo Tanzania. We women of the Coast
really needed these sessions. I wish we could have them regularly.”
With her home healed, Lilian’s businesses also began to recover. She returned to farming and
selling with renewed focus, supported by a more cooperative and communicative husband. The
peace and structure in her home have restored her strength and clarity